goodnight i made you a song goodbye
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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