Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
