I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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