Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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