For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
