The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
