I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
