I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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