Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
