The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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