Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
