You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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