I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
