he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
