Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
