dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
