when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
