At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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