Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
