Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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