nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
