At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
