I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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