Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
