Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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