I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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