Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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