A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
