For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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