Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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