she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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