dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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