Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
