when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
