best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
