I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Randomize
