I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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