I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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