Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
