I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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