dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
