I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
