I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
