you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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