my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
