Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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