i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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