We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
