Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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