Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
