you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
