My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
