He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
