you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
