Need sex. Gaining weight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
