Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
