so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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