You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
