Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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