You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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