I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
